How to Get Rid of Overthinking in Relationships?
We often start to overthink our relationships because we believe that something isn’t quite right with them. As a rule, these repetitive thoughts bring us anxiety, all the while we keep thinking that this is our way to keep everything secure. When we engage in overthinking in relationships, we eventually become drained, and this can lead to difficulties in our relationships along the way. Thankfully, we can address this tendency and actually improve the trust and connection we already have.
Notice What Triggers You
Even in the most anxious of minds, overthinking usually stems from a certain trigger. It can be anything — a tone in a message, a wrongly phrased question, or even a pause in conversation. Our mind goes into the alert mode because it senses that something isn’t quite as we expect it to be. We might miss out on this moment because we’re too engrossed in the thought that has entered our mind.
Here’s a suggestion from one Liven app review after the user has gone through self-reflection regarding overthinking. Begin by simply noticing your stream of thoughts. When does your mind start racing?
- Is it when you feel ignored or unimportant?
- When plans change suddenly?
- When you sense emotional distance?
- When you meet a particular person in your life?
There are many factors in that. These questions may not directly lead you to the deeper concern, but they are great starting points that you can use as a thread to guide you further.
It can become the first strategy to address your overthinking. When you learn to recognize these triggers, try to intervene. When you notice yourself spiraling, pause and name what’s happening:
- “I’m feeling anxious because I didn’t get a reply yet.”
- “I’m worrying because I don’t feel in control.”
These are the examples, but when you put your worry into words, the fear can subside.
Separate Facts From Stories
And here, we also mean imagination. Mostly your imagination. When certain details are missing from a situation, our mind tends to fill in the blanks. For example, when someone didn’t act like their usual self during the latest meeting, we start to think about all the possibilities, such as “They are losing interest” or “I definitely said something rude.”
Before you allow this worry to grow, ask yourself, “What are the facts that I actually know?” It will ground you in reality and remind you what is actually happening.
From Rumination to Reflection
There’s a massive difference between deep thinking and overthinking. Rumination takes our power away — and it doesn’t give us any opportunities for progress. It might seem like we are solving something, but in reality, we are running in circles.
Reflection, on the other hand, is about analyzing and checking in with yourself. It allows for gradual progress. How does this look? Instead of asking yourself the questions you don’t have the answer to (“Are they mad?” or “Maybe they don’t want to stay in contact?”), ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” or “What can I ask or find out instead of guessing?”
Sometimes, We Need to Get Resilient
Overthinkers attempt to escape discomfort caused by tension or uncertainty. And although that is an entirely natural thing to want, the process of running through the same thoughts again and again doesn’t help with it. What really works is learning to tolerate such feelings.
Our lives are filled with uncomfortable moments, and avoiding them stops us from developing emotional resilience. This doesn’t mean you need to push yourself into nerve-wracking, dangerous situations. It’s about the ability to handle mild anxiety — over time, you will notice it having less of an effect on you. Try to practice mindfulness and grounding techniques when the desire to spiral becomes too strong.
Always Communicate
Do you remember at least one movie where half of the problems in the couple could have been solved if the people had appropriately communicated? While most of our real-life situations aren’t as comical, the core is pretty similar. Learning to communicate with others instead of guessing or assuming can save you a lot of stress.
Instead of decoding texts or predicting what your close person feels, ask gently for clarity. If you feel like they are distant, try something like, “I feel as if there is some tension between us. Can you please discuss it with me when you feel comfortable?”
Set Mental Boundaries
Our brain wonders because we allow it to, usually without specific restrictions on how long this process will take. Essentially, by not creating boundaries, we allow it to continue endlessly. Set limits for how long you’ll let yourself analyze something.
To illustrate: “I’ll think about it for 15 minutes, then I’ll move on.” You may need additional support to do this, so create physical cues like going on a walk or playing with your pet to distract yourself.
Nourish Self-Trust
In a way, overthinking is our attempt to regain control over the situation. At the core of it may be a belief that we cannot deal with a situation unless it’s perfectly rehearsed. The moment we allow ourselves to believe in our ability to face a relationship change, a conflict, or a difficult conversation, we let many thoughts go. Tell yourself that you can handle whatever happens. Every time you do, your confidence will grow.
Conclusion
Breaking the cycle of overthinking begins with asking ourselves what is hiding beneath the drive to keep up with the loop. Overthinking is us voicing the worries we have, and we just need to understand how to process them in a healthy manner. Remaining honest and trusting ourselves will allow us to honor our relationships and strengthen them with authentic communication and self-compassion.
