Building & Maintaining Healthy Boundaries for Your Wellbeing: Why It Matters
Relationships are complicated and they’re a constant feature in our lives. The first email that dings into your inbox when you wake up, the shared glance between you and a stranger while waiting for a coffee, and the kind glance from a coworker after you’ve tripped on that step that desperately needs warning tape in the office are all examples of relationships, with some playing a smaller role than others.
Boundaries serve as the invisible lines that define where one person ends and another begins. They lay the foundation for healthy interactions, communication, and respect, yet, despite this fundamental role, many struggle to establish and maintain boundaries sustainably. This article will explore the significance of boundaries and how to cultivate them, ultimately providing you with the tools to foster healthy relationships and preserve your wellbeing. Remember, putting your wellbeing first can start with making a big change.
What Are Boundaries?
When you look at a map, the borders drawn between countries are a kind of boundary. Suburb lines, too, represent a more localized physical boundary, but the essence of the kind of mental boundaries we’re looking at today are the limits we set ourselves in various aspects of life.
They’re the delineators of our values, our personal space, and our individual needs, and they play a key role in how we interact with other people and protect who we believe ourselves to be as well as our peace of mind. Healthy boundaries are an essential way to build and maintain trust, which is the foundation of all lasting relationships.
Why Boundaries Matter
Protecting Personal Wellbeing
Setting and maintaining boundaries is an important step in maintaining your health, both mentally and physically. Without clear boundaries, you may find yourself overwhelmed by the expectations of others, which can have devastating consequences. Have you ever found yourself burnt out by work because you just can’t switch off? Believe it or not, boundary setting goes beyond personal relationships – being a workaholic can be symptomatic of being unable to establish proper boundaries. Health boundaries empower people to prioritize their own needs and use time and energy in a way that aligns with these needs – that’s sustainable.
Maintaining Healthy Relationships
This is a more classic boundary-setting backdrop. Healthy boundaries are the cornerstone of fulfilling relationships, and by communicating expectations and limits, trust is created and respected. Respect for these boundaries also creates a safe space within the relationship to express thoughts, feelings, and desires without fear of judgment. As a result, these relationships defined by strong boundaries thrive on this open communication and foster even deeper connections and intimacy. By establishing who you are and where you want to be in a relationship, you’re setting yourself up for success in the future and defining what you want out of it.
Self-Assertion: It’s Empowering
Advocating for your needs and asserting your autonomy are two of the most important aspects of setting boundaries, and are worth considering throughout the entire process because they’re the most empowering aspect of setting boundaries. They inspire a sense of agency and further align whatever boundary you’re setting with your personal goals for growth and fulfilment.
Let’s Talk Strategy
Self Reflection
What are your needs? What are your values? How comfortable are you with having the conversations necessary to establish boundaries in relationships you’re already a participant in? Have a hard look at past experiences and interactions that’ve left you drained and compromised: are there areas where boundary setting could have made the difference?
Clear Communication
Communicate your boundaries assertively and respectfully using “I” statements. Your needs and expectations should be explicit here and not leave any room for misunderstanding. With that being said, watch out for passive aggression, too, especially if this is in an established relationship you’re setting a boundary. Set a healthy tone and precedent for these kinds of interactions.
Self-Care
Don’t forget to prioritize self-care and allocate time and resources to activities that excite you. Play the guitar, go for a run, eat some vegetables – just because you’re having difficult conversations doesn’t mean everything else has to be difficult, too.
Learn How to Say “No”
Log off, set an out-of-office, and turn someone down (gently) for drinks. You don’t have to apologize or feel guilty every time you say no to someone, especially when requests are in opposition to how you want to live your life. Saying no assertively affirms your limits and preserves your time and energy for activities that align with your values.
Set Tech Limits
Your phone probably has a screen time limiter and recorder. Use them! Try and keep your usage under three hours per day. If you’re sitting at four or above, cutting it down to three will save you at least 15.2 waking days to do whatever else it is you enjoy doing. Is that extra hour scrolling or responding to emails really helping, or would a face-to-face interaction or exploration of a hobby be a better use of your time?
Get Help if Needed
If you’re struggling with boundary setting due to past trauma or other underlying issues, speak to a mental health professional who has completed the relevant qualifications like MA-CMHC. It’s great to get started by reading articles like this one, but therapy can assist with breaking down reasons why you’re struggling with boundary setting and get you on track.
Building and maintaining boundaries can be a difficult process, but it doesn’t have to be done all at once. The journey of self-empowerment and wellbeing is exactly that: a journey. You don’t have to have all of the answers at the start, and you’ll make mistakes along the way, but in prioritizing all of the strategic aspects of boundary setting mentioned in this article, you can cultivate sustainable boundaries that make your life better. Embracing healthy interactions and relationships don’t just affect your wellbeing, either – they’re a huge boon to everyone around you.
